On the 20th of February 2015, English warriors stormed the battlements at Castle Caketin. Armed with their weapons of choice, they endeavoured to slay the Taniwha dragons of New Zealand (believed to be fearful beasts). Maybe when they touched down on New Zealand soil and were faced with a haka and powhiri they felt threatened? Maybe they were given resolve? Maybe, just maybe, they thought that 200 years ago they conquered this land and could do so again? Maybe, just maybe, they had hope.
Remember that Monty Python movie, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, when the might of England in the form of King Arthur and the Knights faced off a castle full of arrogant Frenchmen? Classic comedy. Fair to say that scene shouldn't have resurfaced at the Caketin, but in reality it did, and in spades. The Black Knights of New Zealand (ok with a tinge of blue too) appeared out of the bush with their chosen weapons and slaughtered the almighty English hordes. Even the reserve army was seen to be very despondent, in fact the Barmy Army were seen humming under their breaths so shaken were they!
England gave cricket to the world (they gave rugby too) and now they can't play it?? Get rid of the Royal Family (sell them to a rich Oil Sheikh)? Shift the Houses of Parliament to Grimsby?? Make Scotland a Free Country?? Make Welsh the Native language?? Whatever they do, they need to revisit WG Grace's work ethic and vision for the game. Play well, play with accuracy, play cricket full stop. Maybe the blame on their misery stems from their county cricket and how foreign players are a dearth, thereby giving English prospects less chance to shine? I see some writers blaming the coach, captain, physio, and every other part of the management team. Unfortunately they don't get out in the middle. The 11 that play are the problem, not anybody else!! Same with all teams that step out on the field of dreams. It's how you play on the day!
Billy Connolly and John Cleese should be guest stars at the England and Scotland match. Not because they are cricket lovers, just mic them up and give the cricketing world the privilege of true comedic geniuses at work. Sure the English media are a laughable medium, and the Team could fill Hammersmith Odeon for weeks on end, but I prefer my humour in short sharp bursts that do make me laugh loudly, not the wry smiling humour we see these days coming out of England's cricketing heritage.