Suicide - my perspective (some details may be graphic for younger readers)

No this is not a post to let you know how to do it.  Most people are resourceful enough to know how and that's a problem.

How do we eliminate suicide from peoples consciousness?  How do we make it easier for people at risk to not know how?  How do we rid society of the heartache that follows such an act.

Suicide is not (contrary to belief) the domain of the mentally ill, though mentally ill people have been known to use it to end their lives.  No, suicide is a societal construct and one that is hard to fathom.  I'm sure a lot of people have had to deal with suicides before, and the often asked question is "I didn't think there was anything wrong" and that it is certainly the case in several people I knew who took their deathly action.

I won't use peoples names here, so all names are aliases.  I had two mates in my job that committed suicide.  One hung himself in the garage, the other gassed himself in his car.  One was in his late 30's and Maori, the other was in his 40's and pakeha.  Both showed no outside signs that their lives were in turmoil.

The Maori dudes name was "Jeff" and Jeff had always been the life of the party, a supreme comic and joke teller, happily married with two young kids.  He rode a motorbike, was active in the community and by all accounts a well respected member of the community.  So what took him off the cliff?  Turns out Jeff's father had died a few months before his suicide, and as such, the tribal land dealings were passed down to Jeff as he was the eldest son.  Due to the sudden notoriety he suffered his wider whanau started putting pressure on Jeff to sort out the claims in their respective favour, and the pressure got to him.  Instead of seeking help to quell the rabble, and seeking help to ease the pressure, Jeff kept everything inside.  Until he broke.

The other guy "Mark" differed only in the fact he wasn't the life of the party, was usually quiet and reserved, and pretty much kept to himself.  And one day, he hung himself.  Why - well another reason a lot of males especially kill themselves is financial hardship.  Mark was a gambler, and he gambled away the family savings.  Unable to refinance he decided to end it and save his wife the heartache.

Now you're probably saying by now "so what".  Well my third case revolving around suicide was a bloke that suffered from a mental illness as a result of a brain injury (stroke).  "Richard" in the 8 months he lived with us was saved four times from committing the deed.  He'd tried to hang himself twice in the carport, had cut his wrists, and had taken an overdose.  Richard may have been doing this to fail, but just by attempting he was a danger to himself. After the fourth attempt I took him aside and asked him if he was taking his medication before each attempt, and being a forthrightly honest guy, he said he hadn't been taking it.  I then told him I don't want to save his life anymore and could he please take his medication.  He did, until I moved out.  Three weeks ago he lay down in front of a train.

The last person I want to highlight is my own brushes with suicide.  Like Richard, mine were related to a preexisting mental condition.  One attempt was when I was undiagnosed (but unwell), still working in the Navy, and gambling heavily.  The fifth floor balcony was tempting, but I couldn't get the consequences out of my head so failed (thankfully),  The second attempt was when I was manic for the third time and I was hearing voices for the first time.  One voice was the Suicide Voice and it told me on several occasions to overdose on my sleeping tablets. I took 20 odd pills and went to sleep only to wake up two days later.  Failed!!  The last attempt was also down to that voice and this time I jumped out of a moving police car and jumped onto the motorway below.  Failed!!  My saving grace, cars swerved to miss me and I had jumped not dived.  I knew why I wanted to commit suicide.  Guilt and the Voices.

So why did all of us want to end it?  We're all men in our prime, predominantly good fathers and husbands and sure there were issues but why was it so easy to slip into that mode?  I'm sure if we can find the answer we'd solve a huge problem?  I guess one key is the psychological state leading up to the event.  Is someone going into their shell and withdrawing? Is someone changing their habits? We know a mental illness could be a problem but as highlighted you don't need to be diagnosed to attempt.

I guess as a society we should be more focused on those around us and their lifestyle and habits.  If there is any sudden change, tackle it, don't just say "Oh they'll sort themselves out".  Some won't?