Fast Women and Slow Horses

Today I asked for a topic for a blog on both Twitter and Facebook.  This topic was the only one forthcoming from a good mate, Lyall Cowin.

Interesting topic.  One could construe Fast Women as ladies who put it out too often than society appreciates.  But what else could this mean?  Ladies that have sped their way around a racetrack?  A Drag Racing Queen?  Alison Roe?  And what about those on drugs running the 100m in world record time?  Is the likes of Beatrice Faumuina and Valerie Adams considered fast out of the blocks in their respective endeavours? What about women who Fast?

Well, yes to all really.  Fast women, though few and far between hold our interest for a long time to remember.  Largely they are an inferior lot, especially motor racing ladies, who have to ply their trade against equally driven ego seeking males.  I do admire the likes of Danica Patrick (IndyCar now NASCAR)

and Alexis De Jora (Drag Racing) and our own Emma Gilmour (Rallying), but then there is so much to admire in sport about women competing that it's a given they are indeed Fast Woman.

So what of the repeated One Night Standers?  The Nymphomaniac? The Married Seven Times and still single?  What of these good ladies?  Well they excel in their given sport too no doubt, and the risks are equally as high as their sporting counterparts.  Social diseases!  Pregnancy! Disaffected lovers and the consequences.  In fact it's fair to say not just Fast Women have huge risks, Fast Men do too.  This balances out the gender issue nicely.

And what of Slow Horses then?  How does one take to this topic.  The first thing that comes to mind is Greg Kelly's album Slow horses
and then the Glue Factory or Euthanasia.  And lets not forget folks, in every horse race anywhere in the world, there has to be slow horses, and usually a large number.  Yep, we all remember the first three across the line and only those foolish enough to bet on the ones coming elsewhere will remember the folly of their bet (and persistence).  But what of the glue scenario?  Is any of it used by Fast Women in any facet?  Glue the steering wheel.  Glue on the fingers for the Shot?  Glue in the condom to make sure there is "no pregnancy?"  Yep, them slow horses and fast women sure might have a few things in common.  Whether either are otherwise related is up to the imagination.

Jokes:

Atypical Horse one of obvious Irish origins.

The racehorse owner was annoyed with the running of his horse at the race. He turned on the jockey. 
"Flaherty, could you not have raced faster?"
"Sure I could have, but you know we are supposed to stay on the horse." 

And then the Fast Thinking Woman.

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." 

The man replied, "I agree with you completely." 
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." 

Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."