How prevalent is it? What fuels it? Who are the aggressors? Is it a problem with families or is it a societal problem? Why is it kept quiet?
Questions questions questions. Yet where are the answers? Where is the definitive way ahead? When will children be brought up in family units that work together for those children? When will the causations of these crying children be removed from society for good?
So, what do we know about family violence (that is any action that causes children to grow up in fear). We know that a majority are either alcohol fueled, drug related, and also stress related. These are personal traits for the perpetrators, instead they are how society functions and the brunt of the addictions or stress issues is borne out in intimidation and full blown violence. And society is such these days that partners or family (who know the situation exists) won't dare speak out unless they (the children) can be removed from the situation. Regrettably this means the children are still in the firing line.
What makes children cry and run scared? Spousal abuse in front of children has a very dire affect. A majority of those abusing are male, but females have been known to be the problem. We well know that this society has gone from abusing children up until 10 - 15 years ago, to actual cases of young children being killed in the name of family violence. That's a sickening endictment on society and one that desperately needs to be addressed and turned around. In fact all child abuse needs to be addressed and fixed. The simple fix these days is to get CYFS to take the child(ren) away from the situation. A lot of times, this draconian displacement causes more problems that it solves (remember the Lost Aboriginal Children) Even though many abused kids need to be out of the environment they are forced to live in, at least one of the two parents is still loving and caring and that's important to young childrens development.
So what is the issue at hand. Why do loving couples become time bombs when children arrive on the scene and issues develop? Let's say a majority of family violence issues stem from lower to lower middle class families. Let's say it's a hereditary situation. Let's say life factors that involve alcohol, drugs, gambling and life stresses (jobs, self esteem etc.) have a huge part to play. So how do we stop children from crying? The million dollar question can't be answered with a magic wand. This country needs to take ownership of the problem, needs to work together to solve the issues that bring to bear child abuse and family problems.
Where to start? Well the first key area is training young adults at school on positive parenting and give them the knowledge to carry forward. That is both boys and girls. Being a parent is as important as driving a car safely, for which you need testing and a license. If schools can produce a majority of young adults with the right attitudes then the next step becomes a simpler one to target.
There are a lot of vacant hospitals in this country (all shut down to save money). The next step is to have a zero tolerance for drugs. It's a tough ask, but if we spend five years attacking a core problem in this society then some of the dysfunctional family issues and as a consequence child abuse will be addressed. Those that continue to offend are then locked up in those vacant hospitals and given detox treatment.
The next big thing to feature in a lot of Police Domestic Violence files is alcohol abuse. Is it a time for this country to admit it has a huge drinking problem and accordingly needs to be curbed? I hear the howling in the corridors, but lets face it, booze is causing more damage than good. And it;s not just in the lower classes, even people in high positions have had alcohol problems and as a consequence, problem unloved children. Time to raise the drinking age to 21 (a safe age as most teens and young adults by this age will have a steady employment and less need to binge.) Limit alcohol sales to liquor outlets only. I have seen supermarket trolleys full of beer and wine and it makes me wonder if some people spend more on booze a week than food.
Once Were Warriors woke this country up from a heavy slumber. Yet the lessons that should have been learned from that movie haven't been put in place. If we limit the accessibility of drugs and alcohol, better deal with stress, and work on the issues now, then our children's children will not have to live life bawling their eyes out and living in fear for their own life.
How to solve the problem, use preventatve measures such as easier access to contraception (within schools & more education around other "lifestyle" issues.
ReplyDeleteFor such an important part of life & growing up, little is taught in the schools about money, debt, budgeting, & dealing with conflict in relationships.
You're right theres no magic wand, nor easy fix, & this problem cant be solved by just throwing money at it.
Schools need to better prepare pupils in there last 2 years of schooling, about personal responsiblity & dealing with stress.
We spend to much time & resource trying to fix the problems when its already too late.
B
We need to teach respect - both self respect and the respect of the rights of others - through all levels of our society.
ReplyDeleteIf you wait until the last two years of schooling, you are far to late and the bad attitudes have already been formed.
The old Jesuit who said give me a boy until he is 7 and I will show you the man is correct.
We must take better care of all the children of our country and of all the people in it.
This will require the reopening of the old Physch asylums which were basically a safe community where you could check yourself in and take a break from the outside world. Most of these places included a farm, market garden and plant nursery where you could learn new skills and re-validate your self image and get back on level - never a bad idea and a good break from a high pressure job.
We must get back to finding value in all members of our society and to making the most of those individual values and worths.
Get rid of the drugs, booze, anger, monetary insecurity and stress from married couples and you are 99% of the way to raising great kids.
ReplyDeleteChange has to start at the parents, they have to step up and make the choice for raising good kids, so they become worthy additions to society.
Parents get given a blank journal when they choose to start a family, which they fill in as they blunder from day to day, with only their own upbringing to guide them. If their upbringing has been shit then they will probably raise shit kids, unless they are willing to make the change and give their kids a better life, one they never had.
We need to do something before more of our babies are killed by angry people, but it won't be an easy task.